We have many and varied conversations during the day. At work, home, while running errands, attending events, or walking around the neighborhood. We’re social creatures and we connect through conversation.
Yet we’re not good at listening. Mostly because we haven’t practiced.
But we can change our habits!
The first step is noticing.
It’s easy to get distracted in our mind: formulating a response, wanting to look smart, figuring out a fix (when a fix isn’t needed), searching for advice (when advice isn’t requested), or simply planning the rest of our day.
Often, these distractions run on autopilot. Noticing them is great! Once you notice, you can create change.
In your next conversation, notice where your mind goes. Be aware of your go-to distractions. And remember you can make a different choice.
Bring yourself back—again and again—to the person right in front of you. Try to listen without fixing or managing or controlling. (This is hard! Be patient.)
When you create space in conversation, the other person can feel it, which makes the connection more meaningful and valuable.
It's helpful to keep this practice doable: Once a day, choose one conversation where you focus on active, deep listening. Notice how you feel. Notice how the other person responds.
You can change your world in one conversation a day.
Listen openly. Speak mindfully. Breathe deeply.
