Saturday and Sunday, I participated in a silent meditation retreat, at home, via Zoom. I've been hesitant to join Zoom retreats, yet this retreat was different.

For 8 years, I’ve attended this winter retreat in Madison. Three days of intense practice with a hundred people, all holding an intention of mindfulness and compassion. When the retreat went virtual, I thought: yes!

The community and structure helped me create a tender space to feel all the feels (which is a lot!). I felt loss, sadness, gratitude, fear, love, and belonging. An internal gentleness is needed to process complex emotions. I'm grateful that I said "yes."

During the retreat, I heard a poem written by former US poet laureate, Joy Harjo. Here are a few powerful lines:

“Call your spirit back. It may be caught in the corners and creases of shame, judgment, and human abuse.

You must call in a way that your spirit will want to return.

Speak to it as you would to a beloved child.

Welcome your spirit back from its wandering. It may return in pieces, in tatters. Gather them together. They will be happy to be found after being lost for so long.”

We’re all calling our spirits back; pulling together our tatters and making them whole; inviting ourselves to live more fully.

Yet it’s important how we speak to our spirit—to ourselves. We’ve been through amazing grief, stress, and difficulty. Our hearts are tender. Our spirit is caught in corners and creases. When we call it back, we must be gentle.

Our spirit must want to return (no forcing or controlling). How can we cultivate joy? How can we let go of pain? How can we laugh and dance?

Your spirit wants to return.

~Be patient.

~Speak with kindness.

~Receive as much as you give.

~Accept yourself just as you are.

~Be brave enough to step back into the world.

~Pause and breathe.

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