This morning, I intended to record another What’s-Real video. The topic: racism. No charges brought against the officer who shot Jacob Blake seven times in the back. My sad, embarrassed feelings about being white and, thus, being part of white supremacy. Another person of color shot by police. Another police officer not charged with a crime. The details can be argued (and perhaps argued well), but that’s not the point. The point: black people fear for their lives; they’re shot by police; and nothing happens.

As I prepared to record the video, our capital was under siege by a majority-white crowd that was not actively being suppressed. If thousands of black people were terrorizing the nation’s capital, what would happen? What emotions would arise? How would the police respond?

I watched footage and read news accounts. All I could do was cry. Heartbroken. Confused. Disillusioned (yet again). The What’s-Real video seemed inappropriate. So you’re getting this post instead. I continue to grapple with my own white-centered views. And I try to dismantle those views whenever I can.